Fading Starlight
by MissAnnieV
Summary: Every magic comes with a price. But sometimes, you do not realize the terrible cost of this price. After the devastation of battle, Tauriel vows she will do anything to get her beloved Kili back, even if just for one more moment. Written in two different times, the Now after BotFA and the Then during DoS.
1. Chapter 1: Now

Prologue

_Now _

If ripping her heart out with her bare hands quench her pain, she would gladly do it.

The dead lay thick on the ground, ten dead for each of the living. There will be no celebration tonight. The grieving of those who survived is heard all throughout the land; winning the battle does not seem a prize good enough to make up for the loss of their kin.

In death, there is no discrimination, no races or species. Orcs lay next to humans and dwarves mourn next to elves; all of them side by side, like equals.

The same sight is seen high up in the plateau of Ravenhill. A red-haired Silvan elven maid lays next to her dwarf prince, her green eyes bleeding tears. Draped around him, her head on his soundless chest, silent sobs rack her body, wetting the coat she lays on.

She does not know what to do; all she wishes for is to be left there next to him, holding him. Maybe if she stays there enough she will bleed out and fade away.

Despite that strange moment of almost bonding with king Thranduil, he said nothing of redeeming her in Mirkwood. She had been banished from her home the moment she chose her love for Kili over the comfort of the palace.

But she cannot care less.

She lifts her head to look at him, her trembling hands outlining the contours of his face. Cheekbones, nose, forehead, lips... Lips that will never smile, never kiss her again. It seems like yesterday when he was last smiling at her.

The memory pierces her vision like blades of fire, and in one blissful moment, she is back in time, rewarded, for a single second, with the remnant of that happiness that only he could give her.

"Catch me if you can!" She had called, running down the grassy hill shining with sunlight.

"No fair! You had a head start!" Had been his answer, but her heart had swelled as her ears perceive him rushing after her.

The hill, steeper than she had thought, brought her to a sudden stop before she had time to fall headlong into it. But her dwarf prince had not seen this, and had not thought of stopping. He had tackled her, and with a scream of surprise, the couple had rolled down the hill in a tangle of arms and legs and hands, their laughter echoing endlessly throughout the valley.

Why did it have to end so abruptly? Why did death have to do them part? Was this a punishment for her sin of loving a dwarf? All she asks is for one more moment with him. One more chance to see his blazing eyes, to touch his calloused fingers, to taste his lips on hers.

Breathless with the memory, fresh tears soaking Kili's coat, something unnamed, dark and deep, stirs in Tauriel's heart. She has to find a way. There has to be a way to get him back. Middle Earth is full of mysteries; one of them has to be the answer.

But right now, all she can do is curl up against his lifeless body, trying not to dream of the life they could have had together; a life death ripped away from them.

Her hands curling around his last gift to her, she stows the blue stone in her pocket, her lips searing as they meet his in a final kiss, speaking for themselves her last vow to him.

_I will see you again, my love, somehow. _

_I promise_.

**Author's note: I hope you liked the beginning! The story will be written in **_**then**_** and **_**now**_** chapters. The **_**now**_**, as you can see, will follow Tauriel after Kili's death. Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: Then

Chapter 2

_Then_

Her feet seem to move of their own accord. She has a vague idea where they are headed to, and makes no effort to stop them. Indeed, when she arrives to the gates of the elven prison, they stop.

A strange smile lights up her face; a gesture mixed with anticipation. She walks slowly in, her footsteps echoing. A few of the dwarves call out to her, bearing their teeth and rattling their bars, but she ignores them.

"Back again?"

She turns to face Kili, who is looking up at her from the cerulean stone they discussed just a night ago.

"It seems so. Where you expecting me?"

He chuckles.

"A bit of company never hurts. Even if that company is the reason you are lonely in prison." He raises his eyebrows.

"And also the reason you are not dead." She ventures, taking a step closer to him.

"Right. I have had no chance to thank you. Let me do so at the moment." Through the bars, he holds out his fingers for her. She rolls her eyes at him, but lets her hand fall into the warmth of his.

"I thank thee, O wonderful Tauriel, ward of Thranduil, for denying me a dagger, and saving my life against those treacherous arachnids." Eyes twinkling with mirth, he makes a show of kissing the back of her hand.

Subduing a giggle and pretending to be disgusted, Tauriel removes it, but she can't hide the smile on her face at his lopsided grin.

"Thorin won't like that I'm talking to you." He says after a pause.

"And that is preventing you?"

"No, as you can clearly see. But if we weren't imprisoned, he would scream at me hoarse. And then probably smash a lot of stuff on me." He snickers.

"You must be terribly frightened then."

"I should be! He loves to smash things when he's mad."

Tauriel laughs.

"It's quite funny, actually. Nothing to fear. We can relax and talk all we want." He winks at her, sending her heart into a flutter, masking it with a lift of her eyebrow.

But she does sit down to relax and talk with him, getting comfortable on the smooth rock in front of his cell.

"I am surprised you have come this far, if you needed an elven maid to come to your aid against the arachnids." She begins.

"That was just a stroke of bad luck!" He exclaims. "It's not my fault the forest drugged us. Trust me, we've survived through worse things than that."

"Oh really?" She asks, her voice incredulous. "After what I saw in the forest, forgive me for not believing you." Though her words are harsh, there is a smile behind her eyes.

"I suggest you do."

"Shock me, then."

"Is that a challenge?" His tone is shrewd as he moves forward in his cell, as close to her as possible.

"You can take it as one, yes." She replies, leveling his gaze with her own.

"All right then. Prepare to be flabbergasted." He grins. "First, we had to travel a long time to the Shire to have dinner with a hobbit—"

"A hobbit?"

"Yes, a Hobbit." At her bemused face, he ventures for an explanation. "Big, hairy feet, slightly chubby, shorter than a dwarf—" He indicates a good few inches. "And lovers of breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon…"

"Oh! A Halfling you mean?"

"I guess so, yeah." He smiles. "Anyways, this hobbit… bloody hell, he was a pain in the arse!" He imitates a high-pitched voice. "Don't touch the spoons! Leave that alone! That is my mother's doily, not a napkin!" His voice, though teasing, has an undertone of the greatest affection.

Tauriel laughs, choosing not to question his tone. "Poor Halfling! How could you have submitted him to such torture? Using his doily as a napkin… I feel for him." She pretends to shed a tear, but her lively tone doesn't change.

He chuckles, and the elven maid cannot but think how alluring the sound is.

"So after the danger of facing an annoyed Halfling and his poor spoons and doilies, what did you do?"

He smirks. "That was the fun part. Later on, we saw trolls turn into stone." Tauriel's incredulous face makes him laugh.

"We did! After being half roasted by them, of course… We managed to convince them that we had worms, and they went nuts after that."

"They are already nuts."

He grins. "Well, nuttier than usual. Crazy enough not to notice the light of dawn, or a very wizened wizard unblocking the sun's glow and turning them to stone." He says. Her skeptical look doesn't change.

"What? Think I'm lying?" He asks, again challenge in his voice.

"There is no way you could have escaped hungry trolls, much less see them turn into stone!"

He sits back in his cell, gesturing around with a careless wave of his hand.

"Ask around. You have all the witnesses here at your disposal."

She makes a face. "All right, all right. I believe you." The elven maid finds it impossible to hide the hint of envy in her voice, but to her relief, he doesn't seem to notice.

"Though, you haven't shocked me yet." She adds, smirking.

"Forgive me if I do not believe you," He says, quoting her. "Though thankfully, I still have many stories to tell."

"Then tell."

"I don't know which one you'd like to hear…"

"If _you_ don't know, how do you expect _me_ to know?"

He grins. "Well, I can tell you about the time we eluded orcs thanks to my skill," Tauriel scoffs at this, "and a bunch of Rhosgobel rabbits, or the time we flew with the Eagles, or when we were given shelter by a bear-man. Oh! Did I mention the time we cut the goblin king's potbelly in half?"

_Now_ the elven maid looks flabbergasted. The handsome dwarf smirks, clearly very pleased with himself.

"I've finally shocked you, haven't I, milady?"

She snaps back into reality, and upon realizing her mouth is half open, instantly closes it, trying to regain her composure.

"There is no way in Valar that you could have done all of that. Rhosgobel rabbits? Dwarves flying in eagles? A bear-man? Goblins?" She shakes her head, disbelieving.

But truth be told, it is envy that is holding her back. And envy so great it seems to gush through her bloodstream; this dwarf has seen so much of the world in so little time and yet she, an immortal elf, has barely gone past the woodlands and forests near Mirkwood.

"Again, you have all the witnesses at your disposal." Kili says, but she barely hears him.

She nods absently, still immersed in her thoughts. She realizes, for the first time ever, that she has wasted the six hundred years of her life. Everything has been the same, every day the same and everyone the same. There has never been something different. And as her gaze lifts to meet her companion's, something powerful stirs in her heart.

"Do you want me to tell you these stories? Or are you too busy being astonished?" He asks after a while, chuckling. She gives him a slow smile.

"I'm all ears."

**Author's note: In the book, it states that the dwarves were imprisoned for quite a lot of time, so I used that for **_**Then**_** chapters, which as you can see, will follow Tauriel and Kili's blooming relationship. I hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 3: Now

Chapter 3

_Now_

Curled up next to him on Ravenhill, that is how they find her a couple of hours later.

To the elf maiden, it feels like years, like decades, like centuries. Centuries where they travel the world and meet in the heavens. Through her closed lids she sees the time they could have had together, sees every little detail summarized in the few seconds images flash beneath her lids. Kisses, fights, laughter, tears, joys, sorrows and everything that was taken away from them.

She stirs upon hearing footsteps approaching, hands already clutching Kili's lifeless body in a vice-like grip, fearing he will be taken away from her. Her tears have been dried away by the harsh, cold wind; merciless like Death, but her eyes hold a sorrow that goes far beyond tears. Hollow, numb, she has no strength left to mask those emotions that shatter her heart.

"Tauriel, milady, you are called to the Lake City." A kind, gentle voice speaks. She looks up at a white haired dwarf, his tiny eyes bloodshot and moist.

"Who calls me?" She asks steadily, surveying the rest of the party.

"King Thranduil gave orders to call you." A younger dwarf appears beside the first, his face smooth without a beard.

Her voice comes out skeptical, disbelieving. "King Thranduil, you say? Why does he call me?" She does not falter on her next phrase. "I have been banished from Mirkwood for aiding you."

"He didn't tell us— something about reinstating you. But we only volunteered to come for _him_." Irish accented, the last dwarf nods at Kili.

Tauriel clutches her dwarf prince tighter, flaring up. Though her tone is composed, her eyes are flashing.

"No— he says with me. You are not taking him anywhere."

The three dwarves look at each other, a strange expression on their faces. They look back at her, the way she is draped against him, her white knuckles clasping him so tight, bruises are sure to appear. Understanding fills their gazes, and she realizes that everybody had doubted her feelings for Kili. And who is she to judge? She doubted them herself until the very last moment.

"I want to bury him." She says in a softer voice, her tone breaking at the end of the sentence.

He deserves to be buried, but then again, he deserved a kingdom, the world. He deserved to reclaim his home, to be back in Erebor with the glow of the gold and the sparkle of the gems. He deserved to see it flourish again, become the great kingdom it once was. He deserved to live.

She should have been the one to die.

"Not possible. We burn our dead." The one with the accent replies.

"Please, promise me you'll bury him. A proper goodbye, he deserves it. Please." She says, looking at the dwarves beseechingly.

The two younger ones open their lips to protest, but the older one nods, making a funny spasm which could have been a bow.

"We promise."

Tauriel nods, the faintest of smiles ghosting over her features.

"Thank you."

The dwarf speaks again. "I think you should make haste though, lass. The King seemed very tense."

She purses her lips, unable to form a reply.

She had thought to know pain. She had thought to be strong through pain. But nothing, not even the lick of flames or the cutting of a limb could give her the pain that separating herself from Kili gives her. Standing up, she dares not look at him, at his unmoving, beautiful self. She hears the other three dwarves fall to their knees next to their dead friend, but her tight throat prevents her impulse from reminding them of their promise to her.

As she walks down the plateau, she realizes how foolish it was, to make them promise something. Those words never mean anything, not really. Promises through kisses, promises underneath starlight, promises between laughter, promises of other worlds, promises of love, promises, promises… She and Kili made countless promises to each other, yet they were made in vain.

She will make sure her last vow to him will be full filled.

She will get him back, no matter what the consequences might turn to be.

* * *

"You suffer, Tauriel."

The elven maid starts at the melodious voice, whipping around from the marble balcony.

"Yes." She replies, unable to meet Lady Galadriel's eyes.

"I have heard you have become careless with your duties." She says, but there is no reproach in her tone.

"Have you been talking to Thranduil?" Tauriel asks, raising an eyebrow halfheartedly.

Galadriel smiles, shaking her magnificent head.

"Word has been heard of your situation." She says with such a kind voice, that Tauriel's heart twists itself into knots. Her green eyes drop to the stone floor as they blur, dampening. She hears the ethereal woman walk slowly towards her, but she does not dare look up.

"Centuries ago, I once fell into the hands of love too." The Lady says, settling next to Tauriel and looking at the peak of the Lonely Mountain, just visible in the horizon.

Fearing the weakness in her tone, Tauriel refuses to make an answer, yet Galadriel seems to take this as an encouragement, and keeps on talking.

"He was a man from Gondor, back when its splendor was only seen in the liveliness of the people." Again, her companion doesn't answer, her chest heaving slightly.

"He was brave… Honest... Strong…" The woman pauses, a sigh escaping her lips. When she speaks again, her tone is laced with sorrow. "And beautiful."

_You cannot be her…_

Kili's face swims in Tauriel's mind, a smile curled on his lips, his dark eyes holding the intensity they always had as he looked at her. She closes her eyes tight, the memory sending a spear through her heart. Galadriel's voice doesn't stop.

"They told me he fell in love with me since the first word that passed between us. The same goes to myself even though I knew it was impossible. An elven sorceress and a mortal man? But the affairs of the heart are not something we are in control of."

Tauriel is stuck between the impulse of wanting to clap a hand on the woman's mouth and the appeal to hear her story.

"I never told him how I felt, despite the many times he said it. He was dead in my arms the time I finally admitted my feelings."

Something splashes on the back of Tauriel's hand. Surprised, she looks at it. Clear, pear-shaped, perfect. A tear. She hadn't realized she was crying

"Why are you telling me this?" It comes out barely a whisper, but her face is hard as she looks at the Lady.

The woman takes a step closer, cupping the younger elf's face and drying her tears with her thumb.

"I want to let you know that I understand how you are feeling."

"I thank you for that milady, but—"

"Shh." Galadriel's fingers leave her face to grab one of her hand in both of hers. "If you'd like, I would suggest you take a few days off, go to the woods, and spend some time with yourself."

Tauriel looks at her, willing the tears away, biting her lips to stop their trembling.

_She is far away, far, far away from me…_

"I am grateful for this, Lady Galadriel, but I have many duties to fulfill."

"I will take care of that, don't worry."

"I do not want others to feel pity for me, milady." Tauriel says truthfully. There is a reason she decided centuries ago to be an elven guard, and being the Elven king's ward is not one of them. She could have chosen music, or dancing, but she wanted to be strong, independent. After the horrible death of her parents, after withstanding the looks of pity the others gave her, her choice was made.

"I know you do not, Tauriel. Believe me, I know. But everybody is in need for some time with themselves. Particularly after what you've gone through."

Tauriel turns away, not knowing how to answer. The two women relapse into silence, gazing at the rays of the moonlight and the glitter of the stars.

_She walks in starlight in another world…_

Eons seen to pass when at last Galadriel breaks it and her tone is strange; faraway and somewhat dreamy.

"Have you heard the legend that elves only ever find true love once?"

"Yes… And I hope it is true." The younger elf replies.

"It is. After the man I told you about, I have never truly been capable of loving again."

"It hurts too much." Tauriel's voice is barely a whisper, intended just for herself; but Galadriel hears her.

"That is the way you know it's real."

_It was just a dream…_

The elven maid doesn't respond to this; the words bubbling in her lips murmur that there are sometimes she wants to die, just to join him. But she swears to never tell this to anybody, imagining the eyes full of pity but no understanding.

"Maybe you are right. Maybe I should take a couple of days off."

A smile lights up Galadriel's majestic features, and she raises her hand up to brush a strand of red hair from Tauriel's face.

"Speak to Thranduil first thing in the morning; I would have already notified him by then." She steps away, ready to leave. "I wish you the best of luck, Tauriel."

Tauriel nods, returning to her place in the balcony, up in one of the highest towers of Mirkwood palace. The Lonely Mountain meets her gaze, and Kili's last phrase rings through her head, echoing endlessly.

_Do you think she could have loved me?_

Yes. Yes she could have.

She does.

When the she-elf turns back, Lady Galadriel is gone.

* * *

**Author's note: First of all, thank you all for your reviews, fave/follows! I hope you enjoy this chapter; it was a hard one. Was Tauriel out of character? And Lady Galadriel? Please be sure to tell me what you think! Next chapter will be up very soon! **


	4. Chapter 4: Then

Chapter 4

_Then_

She keeps on coming back. Her feet lead her again and again every night to the prison to see him. And she cannot make herself stop. She does not want to stop, if she is honest with herself. She comes back a third, fourth, fifth time. She does not understand why, but something about this handsome, tall dwarf appeals to her other than his physical charms.

He captivates her. He makes her pulse speed up— in a much sweeter, intense way than it does with anticipation for a new mission. He makes her face and skin flush with a simple gesture like a wink or a smirk. He makes her want more. Of what? She has yet to find out.

The fifth night her footsteps fall on the stone floor of the prison, she hears a voice that does not belong to him say, "…Stop talking to her."

"It's not of your business, Fili." The low growl belongs to her Kili.

"It is too my business! My little brother is fraternizing with the enemy, how could it not be my business?"

"_Fraternizing with the enemy_? Are you finally losing it?" Scathing, venomous; she hides a smile at his tone as she nears the two brothers.

"Speaking of the devil…"

"Shut up."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you are crazy for her. And she no less for you." The other voice snickers.

"_Shut it_, Fili!"

"Hello, mademoiselle _capitana_." The owner of the unfamiliar voice says as she crosses his cell. Blonde, young, and bowing down with mockery, Tauriel only bothers to roll her eyes at him.

"This is becoming a routine, hasn't it?" Kili says as she comes into view. It takes more effort than ever to suppress a smile, but she manages to simply shrug.

"Don't pretend you do not enjoy my company." She says, settling down a little bit closer to his cell than usual.

He smirks. "I could say the same thing of you."

She sighs, contenting herself with shaking her head at him, and saying,

"You were telling me about the stone giants."

A slow smile lights up his face as he nods. "Interested, are we?"

"Very much."

"Sadly, there's really not much else to tell you about them. Almost killed us, but you can see we're all safe and sound here." He looks at her pointedly before continuing. "They were mostly self-explanatory. Big, made of rocks, fighting in slow motion… Did I mention big?"

"I'm starting to think that I really should I ask around for confirmation." Tauriel says with a half way smile on her face.

"Be my guest."

"How old did you say you were?" She asks after a pause.

"I didn't." At her annoyed face, he laughs and tells her his age. Again, the elven maid feels envy grip her chest. He is eight times her junior, and yet he has seen so much more of the world that she ever has.

"Why do you find it so hard to believe me?" He asks good humouredly.

She closes her eyes, unsure of what to reply. But her lips move of their own accord through a harsh voice with rough edges.

"Because you —in such a short time, a short life— have seen so much of the world yet I have seen nothing. Nothing, Kili, absolutely _nothing_."

He licks his lips as he surveys her, his brow furrowed slightly. Though rattled by her declaration, she can't stop her next words.

"Six centuries of life, yet I know nothing. It is always the same thing, every day of my life. Getting up, getting dressed, braiding my hair, going to guard duty, having to stand Legolas and trying to be patient with Thranduil." She barely notices how close she now is to his cell, her hands curling around the bars.

Kili snickers at this, not taking a step back.

"And I'm filled with dread at the thought of having to do this for another six centuries, twelve centuries, eighteen centuries... I need more—" She stops abruptly before she has a chance to say _of you._

The dwarf prince is clearly taken aback. Her cheeks warm up at the way he looks at her. He must be shocked at the change in her demeanor; usually so calm and serene, now fiery and impatient.

"Doesn't capturing a dozen dwarves from spiders count as a bit of fun?"

"I thought so, yes, at first." She smiles lightly. "I was very excited when King Thranduil chose me and Legolas to go to the forest when we got news of the arachnids. But now that I listen to your stories I see that... I've wasted so many years of my life doing nothing."

"But you are immortal. You have all of your life to get around."

"Immortality is not really what it seems to be."

"Come on, milady. Everybody desires the life span of an elf. Not having the fear of dying, getting all the time in the world, never turning ugly from old age… Ah, you are indeed lucky."

"Not as much as you think. Take me as an example. As a younger elf, whenever I made a mistake, I would shrug and say: What does it matter? It'll be forgotten soon. I am immortal, so it is of little importance. I did not use to correct myself or strive to be a better person." She sighs. "Thanks to Thranduil, I came over it, but many of us still think that way."

"And Kili, it's lonely. It's terribly lonely. You see kingdoms rise, but you also see them fall. You see good triumph over evil, but you also see that evil take over again. Having so much time..." She stops for a bit, straightening out her thoughts.

He is watching her, giving no intention of interrupting. But her last words are held back; she cannot voice them. Elves see lives be born and flourish, then wither and die. They seclude themselves because they are afraid. Afraid of having to meet somebody and watch them die. Afraid of loving a mortal that will only last a few blinks of an eye, leaving them to live in loneliness forever.

Yet this is what is happening to her. Her next words are rushed; she does not want him to make that connection, despite knowing that he must have made it a long time ago.

"However, immortal or not, I have still lived six hundred years without seeing anything—"

"I can show you."

She inhales lightly, and blinks at his low voice, hardly daring to process what he has just said.

"If we ever get out of here, come with me. We can see the world together."

Together… The simple word makes her whole skin flush. Butterflies of silk appear in her stomach, their silvery wings brush the contours of her heart. It's almost unconsciously done, when her lips breathe out the word.

"Yes."

She doesn't take it back when she recognizes what she has said. He grins.

"Really, Tauriel? Would you really follow me?"

_Always_.

"I never say things I don't mean." She says, a smile curling on her lips. When he takes her hand through the bars, she doesn't pull back.

"But we have a problem." He stage-whispers.

"Oh?"

"I'm stuck in here."

They look at each other, and burst out laughing. Whenever they stop for a bit, the moment they look back at each other again, they relapse into laughter.

"Why are we laughing?" Tauriel inquires the third time this happens, holding her stomach. Kili shakes his head, his shoulder quaking.

"I have no idea." He manages to choke out. The laughter rings louder out through the chambers, echoing loudly, and for some reason, they can't stop. The other poor dwarves in captivity begin to get annoyed as the pair refuses to shut up.

"For the beard's sake, be silent!"

"Quit it, lovebirds!"

"For the love of Mahal…"

"Shut up, you two!"

"In the name of Durin, be _quiet_!"

"Yeah, we're trying to get some sleep here!"

"Good for you!" Kili calls out.

They succumb into laughter again.

It's not until they finally manage to give in to the other dwarves' wishes and smother their mirth, that Tauriel realizes why they were laughing. They are blissful around each other. What Kili said wasn't exactly funny, yet neither could suppress their mirth.

"But anyways, I couldn't get you out of here even if I wanted to. I'm not exactly in a position to give Thranduil orders." She grimaces.

"It was worth a try." He says, grinning cheekily at her.

"I'll hold you to your promise anyways." She says, returning the gesture.

"I hope you do. I'd like to have the honor of showing an elven maid a taste of the world." He winks.

Rolling her eyes playfully, she stands up, making a move to leave.

"Good night, Kili." She says, giving him a last smile before turning to walk away.

"Will you be back again, Tauriel?" He asks her back. Careful to hide the glee in her face, she looks back.

"Maybe, maybe not." She replies, knowing perfectly well that she will.

**Author's note: I hope you enjoyed! Please review, I really want to know what your thoughts are! Is it out of character? Poorly written? And happy New Year!**

**Thanks to my reviewers: **

**Cynn3Rose, HighTechThing, CrimeBabe, degrassigirlchic, magumisakura and Alexandra Lucy. I am so grateful to all of you! **


	5. Chapter 5: Now

Chapter 5

_Now_

With swift, quick steps, Tauriel makes her way towards the Throne Room, pushing away the guards that try to block her.

"You have no audition with Lord—" The bolder of the two starts, only to end up with a knife pressed menacingly on his throat.

"Excuse me, please." Tauriel says, her eyes flashing. After a moment of shock, the guard drops his spear, having the dignity to fear for his life, raising his hands beside his head and nodding frantically at her.

"Easy, easy, easy," He squeaks. "I-I suppose you might as well go through." His voice trembles. "Just d-don't hurt me."

The she-elf glares at him, tilting her head sharply at his companion, not lowering her weapon.

"Let her p-pass." Her victim whimpers, his chest heaving. The other guard, who had been frozen on the spot, thunderstruck at the elven maid's audacity, moves to give way for her.

"But do not come running to us if Lord Thranduil wants to have your…"

Tauriel doesn't listen to the rest of his sentence, too busy heading over to the blond man's throne, her pace hurried.

"My Lord—" She begins with a low bow as his piercing blue eyes look up from a scroll of parchment to meet hers. The surprise Tauriel expected to see is not in his regal features.

"Ah, Tauriel. I was just going to send this to you." He stands up, inclining his head at her; a gesture of immense respect she had only seen him do when Lady Galadriel was upon him. It startles her into a halt, but she doesn't ask, and he gives no explanation.

"Lady Galadriel has told me about your situation."

"My King," She sinks into another courtesy, an apology bubbling on her lips. "I know I have been careless. I ask that you forgive me for disregarding my duties, I have—"

He holds up a hand, effectively silencing her. "There will be no need for that, Tauriel. This is not a ruse to get rid of you; it is because I believe that you deserve it." He looks away from her, seeming to struggle with a thought. "I was wrong." He says tersely, not meeting her eyes. "What you felt for that dwarf—" He pauses, looking as though this little speech is taking all of the strength from him. "What you felt for _Kili_ — was— _is_ real. And you have not had any time to think of yourself."

It's true.

After the burial, after the last time she saw his beautiful face, Tauriel was instantly summoned to help the new inhabitants of Dale: to give them food, to feed them, to tend to their injuries. She hadn't shed a tear for him since Bolg's spear ended the life of the man she had grown to love— except for that moment of weakness with Lady Galadriel. A numbness, a torturous denial had settled over her, and she constantly saw Kili's face in that of those she tended. The distraction became greater and greater as the suns came and went, and in the end, she almost did more bad than good.

"I do not know what to say." She had turned away, but is forced to look at him as he sets a hand on her shoulder.

"Go. Say no more. Go, I can spare you for a few days. Be sure to come back before a seventh moon though. This is only temporary; I want you reinstated the moment you are back again." He says.

Tauriel searches his face, finding nothing but consent. Her eyes shining with gratitude, she takes a step forward, grabbing his hand and kissing it.

"Thank you my Lord."

As he dismisses her, she thinks she sees the ghost of a smile on his pale lips, but he turns away from her before she can confirm it.

She leaves without a second glance, packing the essentials, and almost running over to the stables where her beautiful silver horse is kept.

"Hello, Allyssae." She whispers at the magnificent animal, stroking its flawless coat, and Allyssae nuzzles her, searching for apples. The she-elf laughs, giving in to her horse's wishes.

"We're going on a trip for a week." Tauriel says, saddling the horse, hoisting her leg up and pulling herself upright.

With the click of her tongue, Allyssae instantly begins moving at a steady pace.

They travel for a long time, and Tauriel is grateful for the solitude and peace. She contents herself with looking at the scenery before her, and doesn't look back at her home until she is well out of sight of it. When she finally does, all she can discern of Mirkwood is the highest tower of the palace, barely visible beneath the clouds tinged with the sunset's glow.

She dismounts her horse upon finding a clearing in the nearby woods, bathed in a golden glitter by the fading sun.

Tying Allyssae loosely on a large oak tree, she spends quite a lot of time struggling to settle her camp. When she finally manages to erect the tent, (though it crooks sideways) and build a decent fire, it is well past nightfall, and the stars are twinkling in the canopy of blackness above her.

She walks into the woods, searching for game. With a quick pull of her bow at the sight of an unsuspecting squirrel, dinner is served. She roasts the dead animal as best as she can with the tiny fire, tapping her foot impatiently throughout the whole ordeal.

"Goodness. I thought this would stay raw until midday…" She tells Allyssae, who neighs sleepily in response.

Washing down her dinner with a canteen of water and wild berries, Tauriel finally lays down next to her horse. She hasn't slept in more than ten moons, and quite looks forward to it.

The warmth of the fire flows through her body, while the stars seem to smile at the elven maiden, and the sounds of nighttime lull her to sleep.

But the land of dreams welcome her back only with nightmares of forbidden passions and spears and death. She wakes up crying out her love's name in warning.

**Author's note: I hope you liked it! Do you think Tauriel is showing too much weakness? Or maybe she's being too cold? It was hard to write her in this. And I know Thranduil was definitely out or charcter… But the next **_**Then**_** chapter will probably come this Sunday! I love you all! **

**A million thanks to my reviewers:**

**Awesomebri66, KHB123, Cyn2K, Jenn, TraptWolf94, High Guardian, The Wild West Pyro, MidnightTales357, Guest, degrassigirlchic, Alois1607 and PetiteBulle! You guys are awesome. **


	6. Chapter 6: Then

Chapter 6

_Then_

"Tauriel." She feels a hand on her shoulder, hears a familiar voice. Her hands instantly sink into the pocket of her attire, keys rattling slightly.

"What do you want, Legolas?" She turns around feigning annoyance, her eyebrows lifted. His blue eyes full of concern hold a touch of something she dares not name and with great relief she realizes he did not note the haste of her hands or the noise of the keys.

"Go get some sleep. You have stayed up all these nights." He says gently, pushing a lock of red hair from her face.

"I am not tired."

"Come, _mellon_. I'll give the prisoners a last check; you do not need to bother with this yourself." His tone is soft, tender even, but she can see the impatience hidden in his features.

"When did I say it was a bother?" She inquires, pushing his hands away from her.

Neither speak for quite a while; their gazes glare at each other, and finally, Legolas pushes his façade away.

"You're off to see that _dwarf_, aren't you?"

"There is no need to sound so vexed."

"How could I not be vexed? They are our sworn rivals, and at the moment, our _prisoners_. What business could you have with _him_?"

"Then why have you been listening to our conversations?"

His blue eyes grow wide, a tinge of red coloring his cheeks. Tauriel tilts her head, interrupting his excuse.

"Don't justify yourself, Legolas."

"I—"

"You have heard enough to know I am not talking about our secrets or betraying our kin to him."

"Nevertheless, you are still avoiding my question. Answer me, Tauriel. Are you going to him, or are you not? It is a simple inquiry."

She thinks over her reply quickly. Her plan will fail if he begins to suspect her actions; so she takes a step forward, grabbing his hand in both of hers.

"No, I am not. I've questioned him enough." Not being a good liar, her smooth tone surprises her. "I guess you're right. I really should get some sleep. Until tomorrow, _mellon_."

Without giving him a chance to respond, she heads out of the chambers, careful not to move much, lest the noise in her pocket give her away.

She waits impatiently in her room, looking out of the window as time passes. Over and over again she finds her fingers tracing the contours of the one key she is going to use.

As the light of the stars intensify, she decides to quit the stalling, and, heart thumping in anticipation, she reaches the familiar doorway to the prison. With light, feathery steps she walks towards the cell that has greeted her every night for seven nights.

Her dwarf prince is asleep. She takes a few moments to gaze at him, taking in his rosy lips, his thick eyelashes, his dark hair. His beauty strikes her like a blow, exactly like the time they first met. She is tempted to laugh as she remembers the elven stereotype for dwarves.

The rattling of the keys wakes him up.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming, milady." He says drowsily, rubbing his eyes and smiling up at her. The gesture freezes on his face as he realizes what the she-elf is doing.

"What— what are you doing, Tauriel?"

"What does it look like?" She asks, swinging the cell's door open.

He just stands there, looking up at her, thunderstruck.

"Tauriel—"

"If I were you, I wouldn't waste this opportunity. It's only for one night." She takes a step back, beckoning him towards her.

She closes the door of his cell as quietly as possible, noticing the stir of the rest of the prisoners. The pair quickly leave the prison, holding back laughter until they are out.

"Where are you taking me, milady?" Kili asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

She smiles, saying coyly, "You'll find out soon. But right now, be quiet or we will get caught."

He smirks, nodding.

They weave through the Mirkwood palace until finally, Tauriel reaches the door of the kitchens; the only door that is never locked.

The cold night air hits them as the opens it and steps out into the woodlands surrounding the palace. She stops for a moment, closing her eyes and savoring the feel, smell and sounds of nighttime.

"I was kind of hoping you were taking me to a bedroom." The dwarf prince teases, cocking an eyebrow. She laughs this time, the sound ringing throughout the dark forest.

"Next time, if you're lucky. Now, stop complaining and follow me."

The tallest tree of Mirkwood is a majestic oak tree, almost right in the middle of the foliage. It towers upon ever other plant life near it, and legend says that it is so ancient, not even the oldest elf alive has seen it as young tree.

"I hope you can climb trees." Tauriel says as they crane their necks to look up at the tree.

"Pfft. I'm Prince Kili of the line of Durin. 'Course I can." He pretends to flip his hair.

The she-elf rolls her eyes, and says, "Well then, be my guest."

She cannot exactly call him a liar. Yes, he can climb it, but she has to wait a long time for him to get a good grip on it before following him. But the night is young, and they still have a long time.

"All right, I take back what I said. I am not a good tree-climber." He says sheepishly, as the finally reach the highest branch, emerging from the canopy of leaves.

"No comments there." Tauriel says, smiling, looking up at the sky and the glitter of the stars. Her parents are up there, watching her. What would they say to her, if they were here? Would they approve of her friendship with Kili? She shakes this answer out of her head, concentrating tracing with her eyes all the known constellations.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She says.

"Yes. Yes it is." He replies softly. She feels his gaze on her, and a blush spreads on her cheeks. She thanks the Valar profusely for the darkness of night.

"That is the constellation of Beren and Luthien." She says, pointing at the group of stars with the shape of two lovers.

"It really must be the greatest love story ever told, if they even have a constellation."

"I guess you are right, but I have never really understood what is so great about them."

Kili raises his eyebrows, surprised. "Why? Because elves are too pure to intermingle with other races?"

She gives him a look. "Of course not. That is not even true." _Look at us_.

"Then because Luthien was taller than Beren?" She doesn't miss the underlines of his statement, and heat rises up her face. She forces the words out.

"I don't think height matters. It might be a bit awkward at first, but it is like age. It's not important if they love each other." The grin unfurling on his face after her statement makes her insides flutter.

"Then why don't you like them? I would have thought you were a helpless romantic."

She laughs, shaking her head. Before answering, she takes one last look at the canopy of stars and settles down in a seating position on the thick branch. Kili follows her.

"So why don't you?" He asks.

"Well, because if Luthien really loved Beren that much, why didn't she defy her father? Why let him task Beren with something almost impossible?"

"Because there wouldn't be a story if he let him marry her just like that." He says as though it's obvious. "The whole point of their story is that Beren does— like you say— the impossible to get his elf maiden. Nobody would care if they met, asked for their blessing, and got married. All great love stories have to have a bit of action, right?"

"That _is_ true. And she wouldn't have gotten the chance to trade away her immortality." She says with a small smile. "But I still think it is— plainly putting it— foolish."

"Aw, Tauriel. It's not foolish."

"Look who the helpless romantic is." She says, and he chuckles. "All right, maybe not foolish. But unrealistic, yes. If it had been a mother going through that journey for her child, it would have been much more believable. But a man doing that for a woman just because her father is a fool? No."

"I would do it. For a woman I love, yes."

They lock eyes, but neither speaks again. They stay in silence for some time, until the elf maiden discerns the faint line of sunshine in the horizon, so thin, if it weren't for her elven eyes she would have not noticed it.

"Come, we have to leave now."

After a lot of struggling and getting tangled with the tree's leaves, the pair reaches ground level. Talking in hushed whispers and quiet laughter, the couple reach the prison and the cell. It hurts Tauriel, to push the key into the lock and turn it, leaving her dwarf prince confined, but really, what can she do?

"I'll come back, Kili." She promises, her slender index finger tracing his chiseled cheekbones through the bars.

"I'll be waiting for you, Tauriel." He says as her finger touches his lips.

* * *

**Author's note: I hope you like it, please be sure to review! If I got any of the facts wrong, feel free to tell me, I don't bite. And also, thank you all so much for your reviews, faves and follows! I love you all SO much! **


	7. Chapter 7: Now

**Kiliel story recommendations:**_**Under a Sky Full of Stars**_** by ishkaqwiaidurugnul, an _epic_ story with a lot of humor, and **_**A Path That's Already Known**_** (complete) by Ireth Melwasul, a heart-wrenchingly _gorgeous_ story with great writing.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 7

_Now_

_You cannot be her…_

She dances through the starry skies, the starlight lacing through her being as she twirls and twirls endlessly in the canopy of black.

_She is far away, far, far away from me…_

Through her closed eyes she sees him holding out his hand to her, but the moment she takes it, they burn.

_She walks in starlight in another world_.

A white, blinding glow— the stars are burning them. She sees him yell, fall from the heavens, a torch of blazing light… burning the way their hearts burn for each other…

_It was just a dream... _

A scream rips at her throat but she cannot move. She can just watch him burn in agony, dying… dying… dead.

_Do you think she could have loved me?_

"Kili!" Tauriel's eyes snap open, the echo of his name resounding throughout the dark woods. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, to take heed that it was just a dream.

She stands up shakily, making haste to the stream nearby. She splashes water onto her face, wiping away the rivulets of caked tears on her cheeks. She concentrates on the feeling of freshness, and the rays of the moon lighting up the forest. But she does not look up at the stars. At least not tonight.

It is a long while before she finally looks up at them again.

It goes on and on, the nightmares refuse to give her any relief. The sunlight of the days seems colder than the glow of the stars. Her tears are pushed roughly away, but no comfort reaches her heart.

At night she sees him dying, over and over again: reviving the battle of Ravenhill, seeing him burn like a moon of fire. In the days, delirium seems to take over her, and she sees him in the shadows beneath the trees, out of her reach. But despite her shattered heart, she is still Tauriel, daughter of the forest, and she knows better than to follow a vision conjured up by her grieving mind.

Would it be too sinful, to wish for her own death?

On the seventh day, when the pain is far too much to be able to stand it, she makes her decision. Instead of heading back to Mirkwood, the elven maid gathers up her things and mounts Allyssae, hitching up her reins and galloping day and night without rest.

She arrives at the forest before dawn. Remembering the quote_, the night is darkest right before dawn_, a slimmer, a spark of a feeling she dares not say in case it fades, lights up in her breast. Leaving her horse tied up, she ventures into the dark, quiet forest— so very different from the woods near her home of Mirkwood.

Almost upon entering the foliage, she sees the silver radiance in the distance. Her pace automatically speeds up, the light serving as a guidance. Intensifying each second, that unnamed feeling in her chest expands considerably with every step, dominating all of her fear, anxiety, and concern.

She finally halts to a stop as Lady Galadriel comes properly into view.

Glowing like the daylight, golden hair spilling towards her waist, Tauriel feels her resolve draining. Hidden in the dark of a towering tree, she clutches her dwarf prince's last gift in an instinctive gesture, her thumb caressing the smooth, marble surface.

"I know you are there, Tauriel. You do not need to hide from me."

The elf maiden gives a sharp intake of breath, hastily stowing the blue rock in her pocket.

"Come out, young one, do not linger in the shadows." Sweet, melodious, enticing even; the tone seems to enchant Tauriel into obeying. Her feet move of their own accord, stepping away from the thick foliage to face the surreal woman, her lips speaking before she can stop them.

"How did you do it?"

"Do what, dear one?" Galadriel asks, surveying her with the same compassion she showed on their first encounter.

Tauriel closes her eyes, making an effort to remain calm. She took the decision to go looking for the Lady of the Forest, backing down is not a possibility now.

"How did you get over it? Over the death of your beloved?" She says, her voice faltering.

"Time." Comes the replies with a kind smile.

"Time?"

"Yes, time."

"What do you mean?"

"We are elves, Tauriel. We have plenty of time; just let it pass, and the pain will diminish."

At these words, the impulse to throw herself at the woman's feet and cry her heart out becomes too great; fearing this, she does not allow herself to reply.

"You are still young, my dear. Give time, time."

She has to say it. "Please, milady, I cannot." She _must_ say it. She must.

Tauriel takes a deep breath, pushing the question out of her lips. "Have I been so evil as to love a dwarf that I have to live the rest of my days alone? Did I really commit a crime in following my feelings for him?"

"I said it on our last conversation, and I will say it again: the affairs of the heart are not something we are in control of."

"Then can I not get one more chance?" Her green eyes fill with that same emotion, small but strong, pleading to be called by its name. Hope.

"Is it not possible?"

The great lady steps closer, brushing her hand against Tauriel's cheek in a feathery caress.

"I wish it could be that way. But it is not." As she speaks, the younger elf maid feels her heart sink horribly; it takes all of her resolve to steady her voice and control her composure.

"But you are the Lady of the Forest—"

"Tauriel, you must believe when I tell you I cannot bring him back. If I had the means to do so, I would have died eons ago, trading my immortality for the love of a mortal man."

"Please milady, I will do anything to get him back." The maiden replies, refusing to let her voice tremble.

"I am sorry Tauriel. But those are boundaries my magic cannot cross. And even if they could, I would not let you do it. The price of it is too steep."

_Those are boundaries _my_ magic cannot cross_

The words resonate in her mind endlessly as they plant a seed inside of her. It grows roots, flourishes and thrives and melds slowly into a solution. Truly, the elf maiden is prepared to do anything to see Kili's intense eyes, the smirk on his face, his lips reaching to her— at least one more time. Her next words are spoken without meeting the other woman's gaze.

"Thank you milady, for your time. I hope you are right and this pain will pass soon." With a low courtesy, Tauriel turns away, her pace slow until she reaches the outside of the forest.

There was a time when she treated the story of Beren and Luthien with distaste and even aversion, thinking it ridiculous. How could Luthien let her beloved Beren risk his life simply because her father did not think him worthy? And how could Beren have accepted the almost impossible task so he could marry Luthien?

Kili once told her that it was because there would not be a story to tell, a legend to remember, had it happened differently. But now Tauriel realizes how powerful the story actually is. She now understands why Beren had accepted the task that was sure to take his life.

Love is, indeed, a cruel thing. Beautiful, yes, but incredibly cruel. Maybe that cruelty is what makes it beautiful. It drives you mad, insane, controls your thoughts and action. But once you are in it, you cannot go back.

"_Why does it hurt so much?" She had cried. _

"_Because it was real." Was the answer. _

It was real. It still is. And she is going to do everything in her power to change the past tense to the present tense. She knows that Middle Earth holds secrets that nobody has yet found out about. And she knows it also holds magic that most do not dare evoke. But sometimes, it is worth it.

She knows what to do.

* * *

**Author's note: What do you think she will do? I know it was not very good, but it was a necessary chapter. It will be the last boring **_**Now**_** chapter! The next one will finally pick up the pace… Love it? Hate it? Please tell me, hearing from all of you is amazing!**

**_Shoutouts_. A million thanks and cupcakes and brownies to my lovely, beautiful, amazing reviewers: ****HighGuardian, LadyKestrelTrajan, The Wild West Pyro, LadyBardock, KessiKat89, Celebrisilweth, Takokusha, Skye, degrassigirlchic, and all of the guests!**

**You make my day! **


	8. Chapter 8: Then

**Kiliel story recommendations: **_**My Heart to Keep**_** by chubbibunni92, a bittersweet story with beautiful writing, and **_**Saved**_** by Melonypond, a lovely story with a lot of fluff.**

* * *

Chapter 8

_Then_

The chiming sound of keys echo through the prison, desperate and hasty. It stirs the other prisoners, but Tauriel no longer cares.

"Whoa, milady, calm down! We don't want the others to hear us." Kili says, but his face is filled with elation. She does not answer, simply swings the cell's door open, motioning at him to get out. Her eyes are shining.

"Is there something special you have for me tonight?" He smirks suggestively as they hurry out. The elven maid laughs out loud.

"Oh yes. You just wait." She says.

She cannot explain what has gotten into her. But her heart seems to be bursting in her chest, quivering with excitement. A smile appears to be permanently fixed on her face, and a giggle gurgles in her chest. Not that she would ever stoop low enough to ever giggle. But she finds no reason for this overwhelming joy; all she knows is that it bloomed and blossomed as the night approached.

She can guess it has to do with the prince walking besides her.

They wind through the palace, until, once more, they reach the door of the kitchens. Kili stops short, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Again? Wouldn't it be better to go to your rooms, milady?" Despite his expression, she perceives the clear undertones of a mirth in his voice.

"Another time, if you are lucky. Now stop being a tease, enjoy this freedom." She says, gesturing at the moonlit woods outside.

He huffs an exaggerated sigh of resignation, following her outside, into the sounds of life. Her fingers find his, and she tugs him through the shadowed grass, weaving through the trees and shrubs and bushes so swiftly, anybody but her would have gotten lost.

Fierce winds zip through the air, ruffling the foliage and her hair, turning it into tendrils of angry snakes. She pushes it away impatiently, guided solely by her instincts.

It can be seen in the distance. Silver, radiant; a lagoon, spilled in a vast clearing. Tauriel stops at the sight of it, her eyes reflecting the glow. The light of the stars slant over the ripples of water, and it glitters like a pool of diamonds in the golden sun.

Silence. Neither speak for a long while as they gaze at the sight before them. Their eyes hurt, yet they are unable to stop looking.

"Whoa." Kili finally whispers.

The moment passes. Tauriel lets out a breath that swells into laughter as she takes a step forward, pushing her shoes off. Dipping her hand into the crystalline waters, she hears the dry grass crunch as she lowers herself down, sinking her feet into the surprisingly warm water. Wordlessly, Kili follows her.

"This is beautiful." He says in an awed voice. She smiles.

"It is." Memories that had ebbed away through time spark in her mind, flashing before her eyes. When she speaks, her voice sounds foreign. "I used to come here with my father when I was very young. We would stay here through the sunset, watching the orange light dye the waters. Then he would lay down with me on his shoulder, and teach me the constellations." She closes her eyes. "But that was a long time ago."

"Must have been." He says softly.

Watching the lagoon, her memories weave slowly together, the thin strands thickening as they knit themselves into being.

"When he died and I became Thranduil's ward, I never once came back again. At first, it was because of grief. I was too grieved to be able to come back here, and when finally the pain passed, I still refused to come back."

"Why?"

She sighs softly. "I am not sure, really. But it became a place so special to me and to the memory of my father, I did not want to share it with anyone, not even with myself. It was a place reserved for me and my father alone, and if he was not coming here with me, I would not come at all."

"But you've bought _me_ here. Why?"

She opens her lids and holds his eyes with hers.

Her voice comes haltingly. "Because you are special to me." She wills herself not to take it back, but in spite of herself, looks away at the intensity of his gaze.

Something stirs in his expression as her words cascade over him. She sees the ghost of a smile playing on his mouth, and he reaches his hand to enclose hers in the warmth of his. He brings her knuckles to his lips, and the feathery kisses send waves of heat over her.

"I can say the same thing of you." Kili murmurs as he pulls her closer, placing her head on his lap. Her breathing trembles as he strokes her hair, her face, her wrists. She yearns to sink into the feeling of his warm flesh against her cold one, but her fluttering heart gives her no relief.

"Promise me you'll stay with me."

A gasp escapes her at his words, and for a moment, the power of speech leaves her. His voice, full of longing, causes unknown feelings to travel in her body. At last she manages to speak.

"I promise, only if you do the same and stay with me too."

"Always."

Silence settles once more on them like velvet. Her elevated pulse finally quiets down, and she soaks in the heat coming off from him. Is this how it feels? Is this how it feels to be— her thoughts still. She barely dares think the word, unsure of its meaning; nevertheless, it trickles its way into her mind, where it resonates endlessly. _Loved_.

Without knowing how or why, the elven maid finds herself speaking of a long lost remembrance of her youth.

"I started training to be a warrior five hundred years ago. I was the only girl there, and the boys always gave me the cold shoulder. They would ignore me in training and whisper behind my back. Especially Legolas."

"Why didn't you call him Princess Blondie or something?" He asks.

"Oh, don't worry, I did."

"Good for you." She hears the grin in his voice.

"It never worked, but that is not the point. I wanted to earn their respect. But I earned it in a way I would have never guessed. If it had not been for my mistake, I do not think I would have gotten this far." She smiles.

"Mistake?" He asks, puzzled.

"One word. _Pajamas_."

He blinks. "What?"

She laughs. "Yes, pajamas."

"Explain, please. You can't leave me hanging after that remark! How can pajamas have helped you gain their respect?"

"Patience, Kili, I am getting to it." She takes a breath. "There was a meeting for guards set in the morning, but being only trainees, we would not be invited to go to one, so we did not mind." A smile lifts up the corner of her mouth.

"I remember the dream I had that night. Or nightmare, I should say. I dreamt I lost my sword, and with it, lost my place. I was then forced to leave training and go into dancing. I woke up covered in sweat."

Kili snickers. "Some nightmare."

"I know, but being captain of the guard has always been my lifetime goal. Anyhow, it was a while before I managed to fall asleep again."

"I don't see—"

"Shh." She places a finger on his lips. "I finally slept again after a lot of tossing and turning. I woke up to blinding sunlight, and there was nobody in sight. I went out of our sleeping rooms groggily, still half asleep. I believe I thought I was still in a dream."

"And out of nowhere, a maiden appears holding a tray of bread. She looks at me in disgust, and asks me why I am not at the meeting." She laughs as Kili gasps.

"Oh, no… Tauriel, you didn't…" He groans, his voice lilting with a chuckle.

"I did! I ran as fast as I could and arrived at the meeting with the _king_ clad in pajamas, sweaty, and with a mess of hair that looked like a bird's nest!" Her voice is filled with glee at the memory. "You can imagine my shame. I did not realize my state until people began staring!"

They are both laughing hard, the sound carrying around the woods. "God, I can hardly imagine _you_ looking messy, at a meeting with the king!"

She playfully slaps him, beaming. "I confess I have never felt more embarrassed in my life."

"But that doesn't explain how you earned the boy's respect."

"Oh, they thought it as a great joke. They high fived me and congratulate me on sleeping in and on the nerve it must have taken, to appear at the meeting without even passing my fingers through my hair." She concludes.

"You serious?"

"Yes."

"Damn Tauriel." He slides a hand over his face, grinning.

"But promise me you will never tell this to anybody." She says, jokingly serious.

He does not answer. He looks at her, his twinkling gaze roaming over her face. The tease of her mouth, the quirk on her brow, the crease of her eyes. Staring. He's staring, she realizes, and sizzling blood flows to her cheeks.

"All right, I promise." He says, holding out three fingers to her lips. "And you're blushing."

This, of course, makes her blush harder. She looks away.

"Of course not."

"Yes you are!"

"No, I am not."

"Yes you are. And don't roll your eyes at me!"

"Oh ok, whatever you say. But we must get going." The dawn has begun coloring the night sky, and nobody must notice they are gone.

He makes a face as she stands up and casts one last look at the pool of diamonds before turning on her heel and guiding him out of the woods into the palace and prison.

She tries to block out the sound of the keys and the closing door as she locks Kili up for the rest of the day. Someday she will be able to see him without restrictions, without fear of getting caught. Someday.

"Tomorrow, to your rooms, right?" He asks cheekily.

Through her laughter he gets his answer, resonating through the prison as she walks away.

* * *

**Author's note: So how was it? Did you like Tauriel's story, or was it something impossible for her to have gone through? Was it funny? I hope you enjoyed!**

**Thank you so much for reading, I love you all my beautiful readers! **


	9. Chapter 9: Now

Chapter 9

**Author's note: I know I said that previous Now chapter was the last of the boring ones, but I had to write this to fit in with the Then chapters… That is why I also ****added another Then chapter****! Click next to read it as soon as you want! I love you all! **

_Now_

Rain soaks her. Mud drips down her clothing. Hunger growls in her stomach. Thirst parches her tongue. Her mare, unable to continue much longer, trots unevenly and haphazardly. All the elven maid sees is grass and trees and rain and mud, blending hazily in her eyes.

She has traveled far and long, through day and night and in between. Through towns, cities and kingdoms, she has asked around and rumors have reached her, containing the answer to her wish.

A wizard, human and mortal, yes, but nevertheless, a wizard.

She knows the risk. She knows the danger. She knows that she might never come out of it alive. And she is frightened. There are times, especially like these, that she wonders if it really is the best of ideas. But it also thrills her in a morbid way. Here is the possibility of seeing Kili again, even if it is just for a moment. And there is no worse battle than the one not fought.

Allyssae neighs. She whinnies. She shakes her magnificent head. And she stops. Taken by surprise, Tauriel doesn't say anything for a while. But clicking her tongue doesn't make the horse move.

"Allyssae, girl, come on. Just a little bit farther." She says, patting the mare's mane.

But the horse refuses to move.

"Allyssae." Tauriel says, fishing in her saddle for an apple. She finds none.

She sighs.

"All right, fine. But we have to get out of the rain." She says, sliding off the saddle, her sandals sinking into the freezing grass.

"Good morning."

Startled, the she-elf looks around at the voice. Her gaze is met with a very short man holding up an umbrella. Curly hair and light skin, he seems very familiar. But he is not looking at her. He keeps on walking past her and Allyssae, muttering something about rude people not knowing the etiquette of replying to a good morning.

"Wait— wait, sir!" She calls. She sees him stop for a fraction of a second, and then keep on walking.

Leaving her horse under the rain, the elf maiden strides forward, placing her hand on the Halfling.

"What do you—"

"Who are you—"

Both of them stop short, recognition widening in their eyes.

The burglar. The dwarves' burglar. The Halfling who got them out of Mirkwood prison. What was his name?

"Master Baggins." She finally says. "I do not know if you remember me—"

"I don't? 'Course I do." He says, nodding quite frantically. "Thanks to you and that um… blonde g— the other archer, we were imprisoned. I just don't quite— recall your name."

"Tauriel."

"Oh. Oh." He stands there for a moment, his eyes uncertain, taking in her much disheveled appearance. Giving a shake of his head, he speaks after a while.

"Well, hmph, good day to you." He says, giving her a funny bow and turning away.

But Tauriel cannot let him leave.

"Master Baggins, please wait. Could you at least tell me where I am?"

He looks back at her, uncertain, clearly wondering why an elf like her seems so lost.

"The Shire is that way." He points forward, and keeps on walking.

The Shire… It is worth a try.

"Is it possible that I could accompany you there? I'm not in a very good shape as you can probably see." She says.

"I—" he stops short, clearing his throat and gazing back at her.

"It will just be for one night."

The silence stretches as he ponders this, uncomfortably looking at anything but her. She does not back down, however.

He finally heaves a big sigh. "Oh well. I guess you can."

Tauriel smiles. "Thank you, Master Baggins."

She hastens to retrieve her horse before joining him. The pair walk in silence, and she has to match her pace to that of his short legs. He is definitely way shorter than a dwarf, but has a much more pompous air about him. It is hard to believe he went on a life-changing journey just a few weeks ago.

Neither speak a word until they reach the Shire. Tauriel looks around in awe at the lovely, small place. Elves never venture into these lands; Elves hardly venture anywhere, as a matter of fact. But places like these, inhabited by Halflings, are considered of even less importance. Tauriel cannot but think that they are missing something beautiful.

Bilbo guides her towards a cozy looking house on one of the highest hills. Without a word, he unlocks the large blue door; as it swings open, the she-elf notices a strange sign scratched onto the plaster, but the owner of the house closes it before she can confirm what she saw.

"Hmph, uh, welcome to my home." The hobbit says, gesturing lamely at the comfy insides of the tiny place. The elven maid smiles, her head brushing the ceiling.

"If you, uh, want to get changed— or do you want to eat first?" He asks awkwardly, standing on the heels of his toes.

"I'll get changed first." She says.

He shows her to a spare room, with the ceiling even lower than at the entrance. He leaves the room quickly, and Tauriel has to suppress the urge to laugh at his mannerism. Small, funny, he definitely is adorable.

How she gets cleaned up and dressed is a mystery to her. After a lot of grumbling, head bonking on the roof, and cussing in Sindarin, she finds herself sitting on the bed, combing her hair with her fingers.

"Come in." She calls as a tiny knock is heard.

"Supper is ready, if you are interested." Bilbo says, not even opening the door.

"All right, thank you."

She quickly finishes drying her hair, and, leaving her sandals next to the bed, heads over to the dining room, inhaling the scent of _ feeling her mouth moistening.

"It smells delicious." She says as Bilbo comes into view, wearing an overlarge apron spelling _Kiss the Cook_ on the front. He smiles hastily, signaling at the table.

"Sit down, I'll bring the _ shortly."

Minuscule. Everything in this house, in this place, is miniature. The only advantage of sitting in the tiny chair is that her head is no longer in contact with the ceiling.

But the food— It could be attributed to her fatigue and hunger, but she honestly believes she has never eaten something as good as this. She tries to eat as carefully as possible, but the urge to shovel down the _ is so great, that her hands tremble on the cutlery. And Bilbo, being a thoughtful host, does not question her until she has satisfied her hunger, even though it is certain that he is bursting to do so.

"So… So where exactly are you going to?"

She smiles, taking her time to wipe her lips before replying. "Rivendell. I am heading to Rivendell." It is true, she will be stopping there, even if it is not her final destination.

His eyes light up. "Rivendell? I've been thinking of going there too! Well, in three days, but… um…" He trails of, clearing his throat and taking a sip of his empty goblet. For some reason, the words are out of her lips before she can stop this.

A feat she has to go through _a lot_. She makes a mental note to control her words more carefully afterwards.

"We could journey together."

His eyes widen like saucers. He clears his throat, looking around and then back at her.

"I— well, that—" He fumbles, but his answer takes her aback. "I believe— that's not a bad idea."

"I would be leaving tomorrow, though."

He nods. "It's all right! Perfectly all right, I have nothing to do at the present." This time, his grin is warm and friendly. A smile grows on her face, and she realizes that she quite likes this Halfling.

"All right, we leave tomorrow then."

"Aha, but I fear there's a catch. I uh… I tend to sleep in. A lot." He says sheepishly, not meeting her eyes. But her laughter quickly infects him, and, previous awkwardness forgotten, the two finish supper in a good mood.

"See you in the morning, then! G'night Tauriel." He says, setting the plates on the sink and walking towards his room.

"Good night, Master Baggins." She calls back, shutting the door to her room.

She wakes up to sunlight streaming through the circular window in her room. It takes her a moment to register where she is; has she died? she feels too warm and cozy for it to be real. But as a cheerful humming reaches her ears, she remembers.

The Shire, in Baggend with Bilbo Baggins.

And for the first time since her dwarf prince died, no hollowness greets her waking. She has no idea why. Maybe Master Baggins did something to her, with his sweet awkwardness and funny habit of clearing his throat. She smiles, actually smiles, even if it is just a small one.

She stands up, hastily washing her face and putting on her clothes before opening the door.

She follow the humming, and it leads to the kitchen where the owner of the house is, humming as he prepares what looks to be scrambled eggs with bacon. He notices her as she bangs her head on the door frame, and greets her with a chuckle.

"And I thought I slept in late!" He says, grinning in that cheeky way of his.

"I guess you were wrong." She says with a half grimace, half smile as she rubs her throbbing forehead.

"Glad to know I'm not the only night owl." He says, dumping the eggs in a large bowl and pouring two glasses of orange juice. "Hungry?" He asks, setting the table.

"Oh yes, very." Her mouth waters at the smell of their breakfast as she sits down in the too-tiny chair in front of him.

"So we'll be leaving today for Rivendell?" He asks, taking a sip of orange juice that leaves a moustache on his face.

"Yes; I would say right after breakfast, but it is your call." She replies. "And you have a…" She motions at his moustache.

He blushes, muttering an oops, quickly dabbing his face with his napkin. She almost laughs at his fumbling; he really cares for etiquette.

"Well…" He says after recovering. "Yes, I guess mid-morning would be a good time to go. At nighttime… well… things get… um…" He fidgets.

Tauriel looks at him shrewdly. "Are you afraid of the dark, Master Baggins?"

He blushes, shaking his head nervously. "No, no, no, not afraid… Uhh, I just don't. Like. It." He says tersely.

"All right, we will travel by day." She says.

After a pause, she asks only for the sake of conversation, "Why don't you like the dark?"

He stands up to pick up their plates. "Do you like it?" He counters, much to the elf maiden's surprise.

"I do not mind it. Truly, it has been a blessing many times."

He tilts his head, disbelief etched on his face. "You serious?"

"It can be used as an even better cover than caves or forest in some situations. People are afraid of the dark because they are afraid of what lurks in it, but they do not realize that the evil they fear is most likely to notice them in the light." She says.

He looks at her, his eyebrows lifted. It is a while before he speaks. "…I have never thought of it that way." The hobbit says thoughtfully. "But I guess it's true." He hands her a biscuit.

She smiles, taking the bread from him and spreading cherry jelly on it. She relishes the delicious simplicity of hobbit food, as well as their cheerful life.

For a second, a mere second, she thinks of staying with Bilbo to live here. The thought sparks to life like a match, but like a match it burns down and disappears. She knows that she will never be able to live fully without the dwarf prince that she so fell in love with. She doubts it, but even if the pain dwindles over the years, she would never forgive herself for breaking her promise to Kili.

"I will go gather my things. Meet you soon." She finishes her biscuit and stands up clumsily, almost earning herself yet another bruise on the head.

"All right!"

With mounting worry, the she-elf realizes that her supplies are running low. Her clothes, dripping wet, will offer no protection. She has no food left. All that lays impeccable and reliable on the bed is her bow with its arrows on their quiver. She can hardly ask Bilbo for supplies. Surely in Rivendell she will be able to replenish them, at least a little bit.

Leaving a single solidified droplet of gold on the night table as a token of gratitude, she finishes packing her meager belongings and steps out of the room. The hobbit is already there, a backpack slung over his shoulders, something in his hand. As it catches the light it glows like a halo of cold, but before she can see it properly, Bilbo has stowed it in his pocket.

"Shall we go now?" He asks.

"We shall." She replies.

**Author's note: It was hard. Bloody hard to write Biblo. But I also enjoyed it; he's an amazing character. Please review and tell me what you think. Did I manage to make him in character, or was it an epic fail?**


	10. Chapter 10: Then

Chapter 10

_Then_

She feels him before seeing, or even hearing him. Without moving from the doorway, or looking away from the nightline of Lake City, she speaks.

"Couldn't sleep?"

He starts, and something splatters to the floor. Tauriel turns around, suppressing a laugh as she is met with Kili standing in the middle of the kitchen, a jar of strawberries on his hand, a smashed one next to his feet. His surprise is short lived, though.

"You've caught me." He says coyly, giving her a look before turning his attention to the strawberries, taking his time to choose the biggest, juiciest one.

Tauriel can't but watch as he picks a ripe crimson one, guiding it to his lips, unable to notice they are the same color. Their gazes lock as he sinks his teeth into the fruit, his eyes smoldering into hers. The she-elf can't stop looking at him.

"Want one?" He asks, a playful smirk on his face.

"No thank you." She is horrified to find that her voice is strained.

"Suit yourself." He sets the jar on the table, walking over to the couches near the fireplace, limping slightly.

"You shouldn't be walking." Tauriel says as she heads over to him, sitting down on the opposite sofa.

He winces, covering it up with a halfway grin. "It doesn't hurt that much anymore. You worked your magic." He says with a shrug. She smiles, but says nothing. The embers of the fire shine over his face, highlighting his high cheekbones, giving his skin a golden glow.

The silence, strangely, feels comfortable, peaceful. There is no awkwardness in the air. But Tauriel's next question is one that has been pestering her since the evening, turning the atmosphere thick, the discomfort palpable.

"Who is she who walks in starlight?"

His behavior changes upon registering her words. His cheeks flush beneath the light of the fire, and he meets her eyes without his usual teasing manner. Tauriel fights away a satisfied smile. She is usually the one that gets flustered.

"I was hoping you weren't going to bring that subject up." He fidgets with his sleeves, and Tauriel's eyes traces his long, calloused hands, waiting for him to speak.

"Answer me my question, then I'll try and explain. 'Do you think she could have loved me?'"

"I do not know who she is, so I cannot answer." She says, lifting an eyebrow ever so slightly.

He barks out a laugh, reddening even more. "How about we leave it with the fact that I was in delirium, half delusional?"

She looks at him patiently, offering no reply as he steadily turns more crimson.

"I…" He looks as though he is dying to speak, yet something restrains him. She takes good care in hiding the upset feeling in her expression. She doesn't know what she expected, but not this. He has always been so smooth when it comes to words. She looks away from him into the flickering fire, and it seems ages when he finally speaks, startling her.

"The pain was so bad, I couldn't grasp reality; all I saw was red. And in the midst of the pain, I saw an angel, singing and glowing. When I woke up, I thought it was impossible that _you_ had come to save me. I thought you were far away, a dream away."

Now she is the one blushing. It is still a new sensation; before meeting him, she had only felt heat on her face when Thranduil shamed her or when Legolas corrected her. This warmth is different, tingly and pulsing, just like her heartbeat.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" He asks.

"I don't know what to say." She says honestly.

They relapse into silence again, but this time it seems heavy, painful even. The elf maiden searches for something to say that does not sound fake and tense. She seems him struggling too, and comes up with,

"Why is this journey of yours so important?"

Kili sighs, surely in relief, shifting to give her his full attention.

"Because Erebor is ours to reclaim it. The dragon is not its owner, we are. It's our home."

"Is it really? Have you lived there?"

His eyes twinkle. "When I was very little, I did. We were the first to follow Thorin once the dragon came. Being his nephews and all."

"But being so young, I doubt you can remember much of it."

"Bits. I remember the glow of gold, the laughter of my kin, and the stories I was told." He pauses, a grin curling his lips. Tauriel waits for him to speak.

"We used to be told that elves were little people with big heads and green skin." He chuckles at his companion's perplexed face.

"I remember it was a common insult among the youngsters to call each other elves."

Tauriel gapes at him, unsure whether to laugh or scold him.

"It's true! Don't look at me like that!" He says, still laughing. "Of course, we were quickly proven wrong." He stops. "Oh the bloody shame. Realizing that the insult we called a dwarf we disliked was actually the opposite!"

Tauriel smiles.

"Elves aren't green and ugly." He licks his lips. "No, you are graceful, elegant, and beautiful." He pauses, casting an apprehensive look at the stairs. "Just don't tell Thorin I said that."

This makes her grin. "I give you my word." She holds her hand to her heart. With an air of exaggerated dignity, she speaks, "Cross my heart and hope to die if I ever mention this blasphemy to Oakenshield." They both fall into laughter.

"When were you proven wrong?" She asks after a while.

Kili doesn't skip a beat. "The moment I saw you."

She flushes crimson at his implications, looking away from the intensity of his gaze. "Oh really?"

"Mostly, yes."

The laugh in his tone makes her lift her eyes to him, and dread fills her as she sees the shrewd look in his face, only serving to accentuate her intensified color.

"You're blushing." It is not a question.

"What makes you say that?" It's all she can come up. He raises an eyebrow at her.

"The color of your cheeks—"

"I meant, why would I be blushing?"

Kili's lips curl into a grin, but he chooses not to reply, contenting himself with looking at her through his lush lashes. When Tauriel realizes she has lost their little starting contest in a terrible fluster, she desperately searches for something to say.

"So you lived most of your life in the Blue Mountains?"

"Yes. I am not going to lie. My fondest memories are from there."

"Tell me."

He looks away from her into the fire, his brow furrowed slightly. A slow smile curves on his face.

"There was this one time, a long time ago when I was a child, that I learned why I always had to obey my mother's rules."

"Must have been a very hard lesson." Tauriel says, grinning. He nods, readily returning the gesture.

"It bloody well was." He says, his eyes shining.

"What happened?"

"I had been playing with a few friends of mine and my brother. I don't recall what. But my mother called us for luncheon quite a few times, her tone angrier and angrier as we refused to hear her."

"Seems something you would do."

Kili grins. "Well, the fourth time she called, Fili and I noticed that she was ready to come for us with her infamous stick. Instantly, we knew, even if we went home to eat, she was going to break the stick on our backs. So we had to leave, hope she forgot."

"We got a cart full of hay —which was our neighbor's, mind you— climbed into it, and made our friends push us through the streets of our city." He chuckles at the memory. "But of course, our brilliant plan was ruined because we had no idea how to make the cart stop. You can imagine what happened next."

Laughing, Tauriel nods. "You crashed."

"We did! Gloriously, into the pen where a family kept their hog. Luck has never really liked us. We didn't crash into a house, a fence, no. We had to crash the bloody _hog's_ place."

"Ohh, I see where this is going."

"We were chased half the city by that wretched animal, screaming like little girls."

Their laughs ring together, one recalling the memory, the other visualizing the funny picture.

"Nobody had the grace to help us. They would just laugh at us like maniacs while we ran for our lives, trapped between the mad hog and our mad mother."

"Who did you choose?"

"Our mother." He pauses, snickering. "Come to think of it, maybe the hog was a better choice. But anyways, we ran to our house for refuge. Three sticks where broken on our backs, six in total."

Tauriel claps a hand to her mouth, her eyes crinkling with laughter.

"I guess the hog heard us, and decided we were being punished enough for destroying his house. Unfortunately, our mother didn't think being chased by an angry animal through the whole damn city enough, and didn't speak to us for a week." He says, concluding his story, his eyes twinkling.

The she-elf shakes her head, having laughed throughout the last part.

"If you have so many good memories of the Blue Mountains, why do you not call it home? Why go for Erebor, when you had such a good life back there?" She says after they both subdue their mirth.

His face changes, turns serious. He leans forward.

"I cannot explain it, Tauriel. Not because I think you won't understand, but because I hardly know myself. I just have a feeling that I won't be whole until I step into that mountain."

"What if you die in the process?" She instantly looks away, fearing her eyes will show too much. The realization hits her as she spells out these words. She's afraid. Afraid for him and his safety.

She jumps in shock as a hand touches her cheek. She looks up at Kili who has moved to stand before her. It hits her again, how tall he is for a dwarf, but this dissolves in her mind as her heart rate accelerates in her chest, the warmth of his skin radiating through hers. With the tip of his thumb, he skims her cheekbone, his eyes forcing her to look at him.

She doesn't know what she wants more. For him to keep his fingers there, or to remove them. He chooses the latter, and she deflates, recognizing what she yearned for.

"Kili, you promised that we will see the world together." She says, looking up at him with imploring eyes.

He leans down, his hands curled around her neck, his forehead to hers.

"I know I did, Tauriel. I thought it was possible. But now, all I can promise you is that we will see each other again, even after I've left." He murmurs.

**Author's note: I hope you liked Kili's story. It was very difficult to come up with, but I hope it turned out well. Did you like it? Did I manage to bring a smile to your face? Please leave a review, fave and follow! I love you all to bits!**


	11. Chapter 11: Now

Chapter 11

**Kiliel fic recommendations: **_**Into the Light of the World**_**, by Cappy, and Into the Woods, by Cel140.**

_Now_

Her heart is a whirlwind, a turmoil of emotions. She left Rivendell a long time ago, and with it, the company of Bilbo. They barely got to know each other, but she felt that she had found a friend in him. Now, left alone to finish her journey, her heightened spirits no longer feel heightened.

But between the fear, anticipation, dread, and anxiety, a feeling struggles to catch fire and ignite. It is the same feeling she had when she went to see the Lady Galadriel. _Hope. _

Yet she drenches it out with all of her other feelings. She might yet be disappointed, and the disappointment will feel even worse if her expectations run high. It may pain her as though she is losing him again. And she will not let that happen.

Despite knowing the sin she will commit, she prays to the Valar for strength and courage. And she prays that her wish will come true.

The night has fallen when she finally reaches her destination, tinging her path with shadow. It is a dark, dank forest with howling winds and strange creaking sounds. She does not know how to find the blue wizard, all she can hope for is to find him before the day arrives. Spells, especially dark magic's spells, work much better in the nighttime.

She walks into midnight without finding anything. The shrubbery cuts at her ankles and shins, and the canteen of water from Rivendell is no longer. But she plows on. Now that she is here, she is not going to back down.

A break in the foliage. Not exactly a clearing, but a pause. The she-elf does not find how, but she suddenly knows that she has arrived. She takes a step forward, and a gust of wind curls around her. In the distance next to a pine tree, a cloaked figure seems to materialize. Blue cape that towers up into a peak; Old but nimble hands at his sides. Again, without reason she knows. She knows that it is the blue wizard. She walks silently until she is five feet away from him, and speaks.

"Milord?" She takes a step forward. "Milord, I—"

The wizard holds up a hand to silence her, turning slowly around to face her. She stifles a gasp. His cloaked face is hidden in shadow, but his glowing eyes survey her steadily. She looks away.

"I know who you are." He pushes away his cloak, revealing an old, wizened face with a long white beard.

"Tauriel, daughter of the forest." A wicked smile curves on his thin mouth. "And I also know what you want."

She does not trust herself to answer.

"Kili, sister-son of Thorin, am I wrong?"

"No, milord."

"A simple _dwarf_ then, not even the heir of Erebor's throne! Why would an _elf maiden_ come to me to resurrect _him_? Does he have your gold? Does he owe you something? I have heard that in Erebor—"

"Milord, no, he does not have gold, nor he owes me anything." She struggles to keep her voice even, chasing away any sign of exasperation from her tone. He raises an eyebrow, grinning shrewdly.

"Ohh. Oh, I get it. You fancy yourself in love with him, is that not right?"

"No it is not." She squares her shoulders. "I do not _fancy_ myself in love with him. I _know_ that I love him."

He laughs, the unpleasant sound ringing in her ears. "Well, it is as you say, daughter of the forest. I can guess you are determined to have him back then, is that not correct?"

"Yes, milord."

"I am afraid I cannot help you."

_No_.

She wishes herself deaf, blind, made of unfeeling smoke. The old wizard's words sends such a pang in her heart, she almost stumbles forward. It would be so much easier if her heart, that had unfurled with Kili, had stayed a scroll. Then she could make it a tunnel of flame, a handful of ash.

"Please— I'll do anything." She says with all the composure she does not feel.

"I have heard that before. You say you will do anything, but you will afterwards come begging at me to revert the spell.

Tauriel does not know if he realizes what he has just said. He has just admitted that he _can_ do the spell. She has no idea how she is able to mask the liquid hope dripping in her voice.

"I give you my word I will not do that."

"I have not even named the price."

"Then name it."

"_Your life." _

Silence.

She had expected this. She had prepared herself for this. Yet even if she had trained all of her life to hear those two words, nothing would have prevented the horrible dizzy feeling in her being. Falling, falling, falling… She remembers one time she fell from the balcony of her room. The fear, the sensation in her stomach, the tears in her eyes… She feels all of these again, intensified by ten times.

But then she remembers his smile, his lips moving against hers as though in prayer, the blacks of his eyes blown wide with feeling. And she speaks.

"So getting his brother back, Fili, will be impossible?"

The wizard's eyes gleam. "Two dwarves, daughter of the forest? I thought elves weren't sexual beings."

Her gaze hardens. "Is it impossible?"

"Do you have two lives?

"No."

"Then you have your answer."

Tauriel looks away, disappointment welling in her being. How will Kili feel, when he begins to live in a world without his brother? But she can hardly ask somebody to give their life for her love's brother. So she raises her head and looks at the wizard.

"How much time?"

"Impossible to tell. I can only grant you a few suns before you die."

"I will still have time with him, won't I?"

"A bit, yes. But mere seconds to an elf."

"I do not care. Cast the spell." As soon as she says the words, she knows it has to be this way. With him, she will truly be alive. Without him, she will live a life of death, and she will not let it be that way.

And if she dies, she will not have to see him grow old, and wither, and die.

The wizard stares.

"All right. As you wish." He says.

"What do I have to do?"

He looks up at the sky, at the full moon and the glittering stars.

"Follow me." He turns briskly around.

The fire is white, pure white, sending ripples of ghostly light over the cave's ceiling. Blinding, burning. Tauriel's skin covers with a thin layer of moisture as the heat spirals around her. The wizard mutters something in a foreign language, and for a brief moment, the flames glow golden.

He produces a shard of glass and a papyrus out of nowhere and hands it to her.

"Cut yourself with the glass and wipe your blood with the paper. Then throw it in the flames."

Wordlessly, she takes the items from him, and rolls up her sleeves, stretching out her left hand. She holds the shard in front of her, like a dagger. She focuses on Kili, and only him, and his lifeless beauty on Ravenhill, bracing herself for the pain. She plunges the glass into the simmering flesh behind her elbow.

She evokes a strangled gasp, crimson pouring out as she drags it across, tearing her skin in two. She inhales sharply as it reaches her wrist, and lets if fall down with a clatter, sweat dripping down and mingling with her blood. Her trembling hands grab the papyrus, and soak up the red liquid.

"Take a step forward." The wizard's voice seems far away.

"Closer… Closer."

The fire burns her hand as she lets the paper fall. It flips in the air, sparks, and burns scarlet as it falls down, crumbling into ash before it reaches the floor. It tints the flames the same color as her blood.

She staggers backward, clutching her left hand, with a jagged cut and awful blisters. She clenches her teeth, her chest heaving as the Wizard steps forward. He hears him chanting, saying words in a tongue she has never heard before, but it feels like a mere echo as she looks out of the cave into the sky at the moon, waning into red.

_Firemoon_.

Firemoon and starlight.

"It's done." The wizard announces.

The wizard had said to find the pool of diamonds. The sun has risen as she finally reaches the forest of Mirkwood, lining the foliage with golden. She dismounts Allyssae, leaving the mare loosely tied up.

She is quivering. It is as though the earth is shaking her nonstop, sending her heart in a frenzy, hammering against her ribcage and begging to escape. After five suns of journey, her injury has scabbed over and her hand functions well enough now. But she finds herself wishing for the pain to distract her of the doubt icing her veins.

_Will he really be there? _

She almost passes out as she reaches the lagoon, seemingly a pond of liquid gold. Her eyesight falters, little bright dots coating her vision. She stops, shaking herself to clear her head and blinks, surveying the clearing.

_He's there. _

A cry escapes her lips as she sees him, lying on the banks of the water, as though sleeping. She runs forward and flings herself at his side, her hands grabbing his, shaking him, calling his name, hearing her tears drip to his clothes. They bead on his skin.

High cheekbones, stubble on his chin, rosy lips, thick hair, lush lashes, and _no wound_.

She places a hand over his chest, willing for it to flutter, or quiver, or shudder. _Please, please, please, please, please_. Her breath comes out in wheezes, sobs racking her body. It has to work. _It has to_. She does not know what she will do if the spell fails.

And then, she feels it.

A tremor in his chest.

She gasps and leans forward as his heart slowly comes to life. Steady, beating, _alive_. He sucks in a startled breath, and opens his eyes.

It worked.

**Author's note: Oh. My. **_**Stars**_**. I hope that you liked it. I'm not sure what you're feelings are; just know I planned this since I started writing this. Please tell me your thoughts, I'm very nervous about this!**


	12. Chapter 12: Then

Chapter 12

**Kiliel fic recommendations: **_**What Grace is Given**_**, by anythingdownmytrousers**

**There is a reason why this story is rated T, not K. **

_Then_

Sitting down on the bed in the room Bard gave her, she carefully unravels her braids with her fingers, letting her hair fall in waves down her back. She tugs at it with an old comb Sigrid gave her, her mind traveling the heavens.

Upon finishing, she stands up and averts her gaze when she is met with her reflection in the shattered mirror on the wall. She has never been particularly beautiful or attractive in any way. Elven maids are expected to be nothing short of perfect, but she has never been good enough. Never will be, so, why care?

Downstairs, the fire had roared so brightly she had not realized how cold the air is, so much so, that even she, an elf, can feel it. But the cold hits her as she sinks herself into the tub of cold water, wishing for it to be blistering. After scrubbing and drying herself with a coarse towel, she slips on her chemise, shivering as her hair droplets from her hair slide down her back, wet and icy.

She begins to tie her clothing, when she catches a movement in the mirror. The night's air has swung the door open, and somebody stands paralyzed on the doorway.

She gasps.

Kili. Her dwarf prince.

Their eyes meet in the mirror, and he is not able to cover up the emotion feasting on his face fast enough. Blushing furiously, as he apologizes and instantly leaves, this gets a name.

_Desire_.

How is it possible to feel this way, as though tongues of flame are licking her very being?

It has left Tauriel breathless; the way his eyes raked her skin seemed to burn her, and her whole body is flushed. Trembling, barely able to stand these unknown feelings, she throws on her night frock, tying it securely on her waist and curls up on the too-small bed, the cold air cooling off her heightened state.

But the cold intensifies, and she finds herself heading downstairs for the warmth of the fire.

Effectively, he is sitting on one of the sofas, his eyes unfocused in a faraway place. Upon seeing him, she realizes that the cold was just an excuse. She has gone through worse weather. But she was hoping to see him; one of the feelings that ran through her moments ago was intrigue.

_Had he liked what he had seen?_

Another apology springs out of his mouth the moment he notices her.

"Tauriel, I am so sorry—" He says, his eyes determinedly looking at hers and not roaming throughout her fitting attire.

She holds up a hand to silence him. "It's okay, Kili. Do not fret. It could have happened to anyone." She says, kneeling down next to the hearth, relishing the warmth that washes over her.

"Come now. Will you help me braid my hair?" She says, glancing back at him. "I'll instruct you how to, if you need."

"I don't." His voice is soft.

She raises her eyebrows at him in surprise.

"I used to braid my mother's hair when I was younger." He says gently.

"The more so, then. Help me."

She hears his intake of breath, and then his footsteps, uneven through his limp, walking towards her. His hands gather her hair together into his fingers, and it is as though lightning has zapped it. She shudders faintly as his skin brushes the delicate one at the nape of her neck as he combs his fingers through it.

Even though he is not touching any living part of her, Tauriel feels his presence in her whole body, and it sings with it. There should be some sort of sound, a note of music or a sigh of pleasure, every time a braid is pulled taut, ever time the tingling skin of her neck meets with the callouses of his gentle fingers.

She wishes she could look at the expression in his face. But at the same time, she dreads it. Will the longing she feels be reflected in his eyes? Will it confirm the seed of feelings he planted in her the day they met? Feelings that his words and smiles have nourished, feelings that now blossom gloriously in her once unaffected heart.

When he finishes, he stills, his hands brushing her bare shoulders. She turns to look at him, biting back a gasp as she sees his eyes, dark and smoldering. They fall, almost imperceptivity, to her lips.

Being trained as a warrior all of her life, Tauriel is used to having her body in control. With other people she can be reserved and cold, detached and emotionless. But with Kili, she is not herself, not really. Heightened feelings, heated skin, quivering heartbeats and words she has never wanted to say.

It is this state of being that mark her actions.

Because an impulse, greater than every hunch or instinct she has ever felt, guides her act. And before she knows it, her lips meet his in her first kiss.

A gasp. His body stiffens in surprise. Almost instantly she draws back as though burned, mortification written on her features. His eyes are wide, but something flutters in his expression.

"I— Kili— I am sorry—" She begins.

"No, don't be—"

"I have no idea what came over me—"

His index finger angles over her mouth. "Was that your first kiss?" He pushes a tendril of stray hair from her ear.

"I— well— Yes." She replies, refusing to meet his tantalizing gaze.

"I can tell." He replies, as though he could taste the inexperience off her. "And I can show you."

"How to kiss?" She asks tentatively, anticipations bubbles in her veins, funneling down her being.

He nods, his long hands cupping her face. With her kneeling down and him standing before her, he has to lean in a good measure to touch her nose with the tip of his. But by the glint in his eyes, Tauriel can tell he likes the change of height. His fingers, like moth wings, roam her face, tracing the outlines of her features.

"Lick your lips." He says.

His eyes intensify as she heeds him, her heart racing in her chest. Her tongue traces the outline of her mouth, and he exhales shakily.

"Good." He says softly.

"Brush your lips against mine now." He instructs in a gentle whisper. "Close your eyes and touch them."

She arches her neck up, her breath stuck in her throat, mesmerized at the low, husky resonance of her dwarf prince's voice. Their lips touch.

"Softly." Kili murmurs against her.

"Now kiss me. Just once."

She does so, gently, with trembling lips, testing her boundaries. She angles her head and kisses him again, applying a bit more pressure. He draws back, and she reaches for him, but he only drops a kiss on her forehead, smiling lightly. He grabs her hands and guides them to around his neck.

"Open your mouth." She hesitates only for a fraction of a second; He traces her shape with his finger, and a sigh escapes her at the feeling.

"Now I'm going to kiss you fully." He whispers. And his lips collide over hers.

_Oh._

It starts out slow, sweet and hesitant. Their lips test each other, quivering, delicate like the feathers of a bird. But the fire in her being, the fire that he began stoking when he caught her in the room upstairs ignites, flickers, and explodes. And it is _she_ who pulls him closer, _she_ who sends the wordless message with the tug of her hands.

The kiss grows dark and deep, and his breathing gets ragged as he runs his hands up her thin nightdress. All Tauriel can think of is of him and the feel of him and his lips, and the yearning and heat that consumes them, as her lips dance with his. It is as though they have been waiting for this moment all of their lives.

When they finally break apart, they are both panting.

As she looks into his eyes, she vaguely wonders why elves are always so reserved when it comes to touching. She would gladly give up her immortality to be able to experience the feelings Kili manages to coax out of her; beautiful, needy sensations she has never ever felt before.

"Oh Tauriel…" He breathes out, his fingers caressing her now swollen lips, pulling her closer, and kissing her again.

His lips then find their way to her jaw, and slide down to her throat. She lets out a gasp as he slides down ever lower, and begins kissing the crook of her neck. He suckles her skin gently, and goose bumps flare where he touches her. Once he reaches the hollow of her collarbone, he stops to meet her gaze.

"Tauriel, would you have me? Would you ever have me? Because I need you." He whispers in agonizing tones, his hands brushing wisps of hair away from her face, his hum reverberating through her. She kisses him as an answer, not knowing what to say. All that she knows is the heat that courses through her veins at his words, at his touch, at his sound, burning and flushing her skin.

His hands slither downward, and her breath hitches up. _It is going to happen_. And deep within her being, underneath all of the tingling flesh, unknown sensations and thirsting desire, an alarm goes off. _It is too much. _She manages to extricate herself from his grasp

"Tauriel—"

She shakes her head.

"I cannot." She says, trying to sound firm.

"Please—" He sweeps a kiss against her earlobe, but she shakes away from him.

"No, Kili. This is wrong, I cannot do this."

"Then why does it feel so right?" He demands, his arms trying to pull her back. "Tauriel. Please don't do this to me." The elf maiden almost collapses with surrender when he presses a sweet, desperate kiss on her lips, all the lust and desire forgotten.

She does not trust herself to speak; caressing his face with one long finger, she pries herself from the vice of his arms. He still holds her hand as she stands up, but his fingers slowly slip from hers as she heads upstairs to her bedroom, her heart hammering underneath her ribs.

She forces herself not to look back.

**Author's note: I am so, so, **_**so**_** very sorry for the **_**ridiculously**_** long wait. But I hope this steamy chapter made up for it! Do tell me what you think, and please don't kill me! I love you all to bits, my readers.**


	13. Chapter 13: Now

Chapter 13

_Now_

"Kili!" She gives a strangled cry.

"Tauriel?" His voice is hoarse, raspy, but it is his voice.

"You were _dead_." She sobs into his chest. She grabs his face, his hair, crying so hard the choking sounds must be heard at Mirkwood. She only cried this hard once, centuries ago when her parents died. But never again, until now. Not even when he lay dead in her lap.

She expects him to bombard her with inquiries. How could he not, after being brought back from the dead? Instead, he does not answer. He sits up and gathers her in his arms. Strong, she feels the muscles rippling in his chest as she sobs into it. He is here, he is really here. It is him, actually him. He pushes her hair away, pressing his lips to the tender skin beneath earlobe, murmuring nonsense that is more music than words as he rocks her back and forth.

She finally looks at him, her eyes jewels of joy.

"You're here."

"I am." His eyes are the softest they have ever been, glistening slightly. The rich emotion she reads in them is not joy or wonder— it goes far beyond that; it plays in his gaze, deep and powerful, dangerous and beautiful. He is looking at her with love.

And the moment she registers this, she knows that it will be worth it. That the end of her life will be worth it, because she will be able to say goodbye. She will not make the same mistake twice. She buries her head into his chest again, practically clawing at his back.

He does not speak until she quiets down, even though it is evident he is bursting with questions.

"What happened, Tauriel?"

"Well— what do you remember?"

His brows knit together as he says slowly, "I remember… The battle. We won. Bolg on top of me… and— And your face. I remember your face. I called out to you. _Amralime_. Before it all went black."

"You died."

"Then why am I alive again?"

"Kili, have you ever heard of the magic of love?" She does not know how she will explain it to him. But telling him of the price for his life is not an option.

He cocks his head at her.

"Really Tauriel, what did you do?"

"I asked a wizard to cast a spell. He knew what I… What I feel for you." She hurries on. "And he granted me that one wish."

"Just like that?"

"Yes. Just like that." The lie flows out as well as a truth would. Maybe in a way, it _is_ the truth.

"For how long?"

"Forever. Until you die of old age, I mean."

He stares at her, a slow smile curving his mouth. Without warning, he pushes her down to the grass, clashing his lips over hers. She gasps at his strength, and he takes this opportunity to deepen the kiss. Passionate, needy, the initial shock evaporates as he coaxes her lips to move against his. Agonizing sounds escape their throats as her nails dig into his shoulder blades and his arms wound around her.

"Mahal, Tauriel."

His breath grows ragged as he buries his head into her hair and draws the flesh of her neck into his mouth. Pulses appear between her legs, and she presses her eyes tightly at the torturous pleasure of it, remembering that night in Bard's house and the first time he had touched her this way. This strikes other fresher memories, and that wretched moment when the spear plunged into his chest and she knew that she would never feel him or taste him or touch him again.

But he is here now.

She grabs him forcefully and pushes her lips against his throat, kissing him the way he kissed her, the way he showed her how to, mapping out his skin, feeling the rate of his heartbeat matching her own frenzied one. He groans, and the sound is so unexpectedly arousing, it shocks her into stopping.

His eyes were closed. He opens them now, and they burn into hers with the same ardor that now travels her being.

"I love you, Tauriel."

He takes the power of speech away from her with those words. It is so overwhelming, she feels like every wisp of air has drained out of her. It dawns on her, how she has never heard those words. Not even from her father.

His gaze measures her, a shift of perception within him. He knows. She knows that he knows. And the words find their way out of her mouth.

"I love you, too." A silky whisper, a trembling leaf.

She sees the smile first. Too big for his face. His eyes are dark pools of happiness. And then she pulls him closer and lets his mouth sample hers. He kisses and kisses and kisses her breathless, senseless, until she finally pulls away, dragging air urgently into her system, her cheeks flushed and his lips bruised.

"I love you so much." He murmurs.

Night has fallen. She looks away from him into the sky, imagines how they might look to the stars. Like a lock and a key, fitted perfectly for each other. The thought makes her smile.

A long finger caresses her face. Kili shifts off of her and settles on the grass, looking up at the clouds slowly giving way for the moon. It does not burn red this night.

The elf maiden curls up against him, much like she did in Ravenhill. Yet this time, his chest rises up and down, his heart beats underneath her hand, slowly steadying down to a low rhythm.

"Tell me a story." She says sleepily. He stirs underneath her, holding her waist.

"A story, huh?" He sighs, and stays silent for a long while before heeding her.

"See that constellation?" He slides his hand along her arm, his fingers curling over hers, sketching a group of stars near the elven maid Luthien.

"It's the constellation of Breena."

"So this is a dwarf legend?"

"Yes. Well, Breena was a dwarf maid sought out by many dwarves for her beauty. She had ruby red lips, eyes like emeralds, and a perfect fiery beard. You can imagine why everyone wanted her."

She grins. "If you say so."

"She fell in love with a warrior dwarf, but his name has been long lost in the centuries. Fearing he was going to die in battle, she swept him away to ask for the blessing of their parents. But it turns out that their families were enemies. They did not accept the marriage.

"Well, she was devastated. But she was not your common girl. She did not weep and cry and bawl her eyes out. Some say she shed not even one single tear! Instead, she did the unthinkable. She went to war. Cut her hair, bound her chest, and followed her love into battle."

"He never knew that it was her. She never told him. Never had a chance, really, because the next day in battle, he fell. Five arrows to his chest. And she fell with him, moments later. They died together."

Tauriel realizes her eyes are dampening. "They had no happy ending, then? At least Beren and Luthien had one."

"They did! They fought side by side and died together and met with Mahal."

"That is no happy ending." She says softly, kissing his cheek. "He did not know it was her. At least she should have told him."

"I think it is. What matters is that they are together. Whether in life or death, it's almost the same thing. Love is forever, isn't it?"

"You are such a helpless romantic, Kili." She says, and he chuckles.

But she is thinking that maybe he is right.

They will die someday. They do not have to chase forever after time. Because even if the earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time, there will be one survivor:

The memory that she was his and he was hers.

Author's Note: You must all hate me. I cannot believe how I forgot about the story! Life completely got in the way... But I really hope that you guys enjoy this! Next chapter coming up soon. I love you all, please remember to tell me what you think!


End file.
